Thursday, February 2, 2012

Just Some Sweet Humor For A Change Then Back To The Future!

This has  nothing to do with politics, the economy or the Middle East but could not pass them up because they are priceless. They were sent to  me by my wife who is getting excited because we have two new grandchildren on the way in March and May making a total of seven.(See 1 1a below.)
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Intel Chief's warning. (See 2 below.)
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Letter from Rep. Allen West to a constituent. Sent to me by a dear friend and fellow memo reader who wants to see him run as a VP . I would be enthusiastic about that as well. (See 3 below.)
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And this is why Israel will survive! (See 4 below.)
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Character does count but Romney, unlike his potential opponent,  has a difficult time showing his.  (See 5 below.)

The media and Romney's money sent by a friend and fellow memo reader.  (See 5a below.)
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This from a dear friend, lawyer and fellow memo reader.

What it says to me is the Supreme Court should outlaw "Obamascare" on the basis that it is incomprehensible and if so then it prevents our right to pursuit of happiness because it engenders heartburn.  (See 6 below.)
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Me
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1)

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"


4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"


5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.


6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."


7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"


8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."


9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."


10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."


11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."


12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."


13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!


15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.


1a) 31 THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR SOUTHERN BOYS SAY:
31. When I retire, I'm movin' north.

30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.

29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won't fix that.

27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken

26. We don't keep firearms in this house.

25. You can't feed that to the dog.

24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

23. Wrestling is fake.

22. We're vegetarians.

21. Do you think my gut is too big?

20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy..

19. Honey, we don't need another dog.

18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?

17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too big.

11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate

6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

4. I don't have a favorite college team.

3. You Guys.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY (EVER):

1. Nope, no more beer for me. I'm driving a whole busload of us down to re-elect OBAMA.
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2)US INTEL CHIEF: IRAN READY TO STRIKE AMERICA IN TERROR ATTACKS
US Intel Chief: Iran Ready to Strike America In Terror Attacks
In prepared testimony given to the U.S. Select Committee on Intelligence, Clapper stated than an alleged Iranian plot to assassinate the Saudi Ambassador to the United States shows a shift in Tehran’s strategy towards a willingness to plot and conduct attacks within the U.S.
Director Clapper said, according to the Washington Post, that Iran’s disrupted alleged assassination plot:
“shows that some Iranian officials — probably including Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei — have changed their calculus and are now more willing to conduct an attack in the United States in response to real or perceived U.S. actions that threaten the regime.”
Clapper added that “We are also concerned about Iranian plotting against U.S. or allied interests overseas.”
The spy chief’s concerns come amidst increased saber rattling from Iran with regard to the Strait of Hormuz, and tightening U.S. sanctions aimed at curbing the Iranian nuclear program.
Clapper’s testimony regarding the threat from Iran was delivered as part of the U.S. intelligence community’s annual overview of the primary national security challenges facing the United States. His testimony also singled out cyber-related threats, and the weakened but persistent threat Al Qaeda and its affiliates pose to the U.S.
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3)Dear Joyce,

Greetings to our constituents, fellow Floridians, and all Americans. As I sit here writing this, I am recovering from the soreness of running the ING Miami Half-Marathon Sunday. I finished respectfully around 2 hrs, 7 mins and really hit a wall at 10 miles- photo here. It was great to be out with some 25,000 runners trekking across Biscayne Bay, South Beach and Miami. With my hectic Congressional schedule, it is definitely difficult to get in the long distance training runs like I once was able. I just have to face the truth, getting older and I just do not have the speed I once did!

This past week was certainly highlighted by the President’s State of the Union Address. I can actually sum it up with one simple quote: “The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money”- Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America.

As I sat in the chamber of the House of Representatives taking notes on the speech, it came to my attention that President Obama seeks to bribe the American people with more largesse from the public treasury. He obviously will not recognize that these types of fiscal policies will be the detriment of our beloved Republic. Never was there a mention in the State of the Union of our growing federal debt which for the first time since World War II is greater than our GDP. It is a debt which the President must confess responsibility for increasing under his watch. Americans can more easily accept mistakes and failure, if someone steps up and accepts responsibility. We believe in redemption as a Judeo-Christian Nation. However, the rhetoric of divisiveness and envy is an indicator of a lack of accepting responsibility of failure. There wasn't any talk during his State of the Union of how we can reduce the three straight years of record setting trillion dollar plus deficits. As a basis of comparison, President George W. Bush’s largest annual deficit came in 2008 (Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid were the leadership in the United States Congress) and it was $500 billion.

The President's State of the Union also did not address the almost trillion dollar stimulus which was supposed to keep unemployment under eight percent and according to Obama Administration estimates, would currently be at 6.5 percent. We heard nothing about the healthcare law which is falling apart, and how the costs of our small business insurance premiums have risen.

Lastly, I noticed the President avoided the topic of Dodd-Frank in his State of the Union, probably because one would have to admit it is killing our small financial institutions and precluding them from lending to our small business entrepreneurs. We must return to the Glass-Steagall Act to restore financial institution responsibility.

As I entered the chamber of the House of Representative that night, I had such expectation and hope, that maybe, just maybe, the President' sense of being an American would override his personal far left liberal ideology. Somewhere down inside I had hope that we would hear a President that understood that American exceptionalism does not come from Washington D.C., but rather it is a unique trait born into every American, and assimilated into all those who come to our shores.

I hoped that President Obama would come to accept and empower the ideal of an indomitable American will and spirit which makes us the greatest nation the world has ever known. President Ronald Reagan recognized and embodied that American spirit and that is why a comparative analysis shows he had an average 6.4 percent GDP growth at this time in his Presidency. President Obama has a 2.4 percent GDP growth.

The Republican led House of Representatives has passed 30 pieces of job creating policy legislation. See more here. Twenty-seven of them sit on Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid’s desk. Most of these pieces of legislation directly address the challenges President Obama articulated in his State of the Union. The fact that
the following day President Obama took off to several critical western states for his reelection campaign says it all.

President Obama called this speech, “An Economy Built to Last.” I also want an economy built to last; however, not based on the foundation that President Obama says he is building on.

In closing, the Republican Florida Primary will finally be upon us tomorrow and it is my wish that our candidates would view the movie “Gladiator.” In the scene when they first stood in the Coliseum, the character Maximus stated: “Whatever comes out of that gate, if we all fight together we shall survive.” Our Republican candidates must “together” make the moral argument to the American people of the detrimental effect of President Obama’s failed policies. We need to let the people make the decision as to who is best to be our Gladiator to enter the arena. Always remember, the contrast of vision is simple. Ask yourself, Is America a country of equality of opportunity (Economic Freedom) or equality of achievement (Economic Dependency)?

Steadfast and Loyal,

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4)Blind Terror Victim: I Am an IDF Soldier Like Everyone Else
Oren Almog says he serves in the IDF “like everyone else.” There are a few differences: Terror cost him his eyesight – and five relatives.
By Tzvi Ben Gedalyahu


Oren Almog
Oren Almog
Israel news photo: IDF/HOT
Oren Almog says he serves in the IDF “like everyone else.” There are a few differences: Terror cost him his eyesight – and five relatives.

suicide bombing attack at Haifa’s Maxim restaurant in 2003 killed 16 people in addition to Oren’s father, brother and other family members. He went blind while being treated for his wounds.

He obviously is exempt from the draft but insisted on enlisting in the armed forced and being like most other Israelis – and now he is a soldier n the IDF. He is a volunteer soldier in an intelligence unit, the name of which cannot be disclosed.
Last week pledged his loyalty to the IDF while walking up to the ceremonial stage unassisted by either a walking cane or a seeing-eye dog. The audience applauded – and cried.

"As someone who was hit pretty hard by terrorism I am proud to serve an organization that aims to protect the security of Israel, to prevent terrorism, and to protect its residents,” he said later.

“I want my father and grandfather to be proud of me,” he said. “I was raised by them to serve; if I had not enlisted I would feel a very big missed opportunity. I am proud that I’ve decided to undertake this trying task, and contribute back to the state.
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5)SOME HOW HE HAS TO GET THIS SIDE OF HIM OUT.

On Romney's character....

Sometimes, this facet of Romney’s personality isn’t so subtle. In July 1996, the 14-year-old daughter of Robert Gay, a partner at Bain Capital, had disappeared. She had attended a rave party in New York City and gotten high on ecstasy. Three days later, her distraught father had no idea where she was. Romney took immediate action. He closed down the entire firm and asked all 30 partners and employees to fly to New York to help find Gay’s daughter. Romney set up a command center at the LaGuardia Marriott and hired a private detective firm to assist with the search. He established a toll-free number for tips, coordinating the effort with the NYPD, and went through his Rolodex and called everyone Bain did business with in New York, and asked them to help find his friend’s missing daughter. Romney’s accountants at  Price Waterhouse Cooper put up posters on street poles, while cashiers at a pharmacy owned by Bain put fliers in the bag of every shopper. Romney and the other Bain employees scoured every part of New York and talked with everyone they could – prostitutes, drug addicts – anyone.

That day, their hunt made the evening news, which featured photos of the girl and the Bain employees searching for her. As a result, a teenage boy phoned in, asked if there was a reward, and then hung up abruptly. The NYPD traced the call to a home in New Jersey, where they found the girl in the basement, shivering and experiencing withdrawal symptoms from a massive ecstasy dose. Doctors later said the girl might not have survived another day. Romney’s former partner credits Mitt Romney with saving his daughter’s life, saying, “It was the most amazing thing, and I’ll never forget this to the day I die.”
So, here’s my epiphany: Mitt Romney simply can’t help himself. He sees a problem, and his mind immediately sets to work solving it, sometimes consciously, and sometimes not-so-consciously. He doesn’t do it for self-aggrandizement, or for personal gain. He does it because that’s just how he’s wired.

Many people are unaware of the fact that when Romney was asked by his old employer, Bill Bain, to come back to Bain & Company as CEO to rescue the firm from bankruptcy, Romney left Bain Capital to work at Bain & Company for an annual salary of one dollar. When Romney went to the rescue of the 2002 Salt Lake Olympics, he accepted no salary for three years, and wouldn’t use an expense account. He also accepted no salary as Governor of Massachusetts.
Character counts!! (and yes...that's worth reading again!)


5a)It just occurred to me... With all the noise the media is making about Romney's wealth, I don't 
recall such bluster and hang-wringing over the Kennedy fortune. Or, for that matter, John Kerry
Or the fact that John Kerry gave virtually nothing to charity while Romney gave something on the 
order of $4 million. 


Oh. Wait. I just remembered. Romney is Republican. Kerry and the Kennedys are Democrats. Also, Romney worked for his money. Kennedy inherited his. And Kerry married it.
       Never mind. Nothing here folks. Must move along.
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6)The Daily Writing Sample: Why Judges Dread Medicare Cases

“Picture a law written by James Joyce and edited by E.E. Cummings,” begins arecent opinion by Chief Judge Royce Lamberth of the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia. “Such is the Medicare statute, which has been described as ‘among the most completely impenetrable texts within human experience.’”
The U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit described it that way in a 1994 opinion. The full passage is worth revisiting:
There can be no doubt but that the statutes and provisions in question, involving the financing of Medicare and Medicaid, are among the most completely impenetrable texts within human experience. Indeed, one approaches them at the level of specificity herein demanded with dread, for not only are they dense reading of the most tortuous kind, but Congress also revisits the area frequently, generously cutting and pruning in the process and making any solid grasp of the matters addressed merely a passing phase.
One sentence later, Lamberth offers more evidence of the judiciary’s disdain for the Medicare statute. Describing the statutory scheme as ”labyrinthine,” Lamberth cites a 2011 opinion by the U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit.
In it, Judge Thomas Griffith wrote that the convolution of the Medicare law reminded him of a passage by Learned Hand, the famed Second Circuit judge, lamenting the complexity of the tax code:
I know that these [provisions]  are the result of fabulous industry and ingenuity . . . yet at times I cannot help recalling a saying of William James about certain passages of Hegel: that they were no doubt written with a passion of rationality; but that one cannot help wondering whether to the reader they have any significance save that the words are strung together with syntactical correctness. Much of the law is now as difficult to fathom, and more and more of it is likely to be so; for there is little doubt that  we are entering a period of increasingly detailed regulation, and it will be the duty of judges to thread the path . . . through these fantastic labyrinths.
Lamberth, by the way, clarifies in a footnote that his reference to Joyce in the first paragraph refers not to the author’s early work such as Dubliners or A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, but to his later work — specifically, Finnegan’s Wake.
He doesn’t say how Medicare compares to Ulysses.
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